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Real Boys : Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood |  | Author: William Pollack
Creator: Mary Pipher
Publisher: Owl Books
Category: Book
List Price: $17.00
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Seller: green_earth_books
Rating:  119 reviews
Sales Rank: 19491
Media: Paperback
Edition: First Edition
Pages: 476
Number Of Items: 1
Shipping Weight (lbs): 1.3
Dimensions (in): 8.2 x 5.5 x 1.3
ISBN: 0805061835
Dewey Decimal Number: 305.23
EAN: 9780805061833
ASIN: 0805061835
Publication Date: April 1999
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Amazon.com Review
Listening to the author William Pollack read Real Boys, it doesn't take long to find out that being a boy these days isn't all fun and games. As codirector of the Center for Men at McLean Hospital/Harvard Medical Center, Pollack has seen behind the stoic masks of troubled, modern boys as they struggle to cope with the mixed messages, conflicting expectations, and increasingly complex demands they receive from our evolving society. "New research shows that boys are faring less well ... that many boys have remarkably fragile self-esteem, and that the rates of both depression and suicide in boys are frighteningly on the rise." What are parents to do? They could start by listening to the author's thoughts on contemporary child-rearing techniques, analysis of the root causes of many male behavior problems, and recommendations for avoiding all-too-common pitfalls. In Real Boys, Pollack draws upon nearly two decades of research to support his theories and makes an impressive assault on the popular myths surrounding the conventional definition of masculinity. While listening to Real Boys, it is important to remember that Pollack is a psychologist, not a professional narrator. His enunciation is less than perfect and his reading sometimes strikes a clinical tone, but his intelligent writing and the obvious concern he holds for this important subject help carry a passionate message and compensate for any vocal shortcomings. (Running time: three hours, two cassettes) --George Laney
Product Description
Featuring a new preface by the author on how parents can make a difference.
With author appearances on Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20 /20 and NPR's Fresh Air, and featuring articles in Newsweek, Time, and The New York Times, Real Boys is one of the most talked-about and influential books published this year.
Based on William Pollack's groundbreaking research at Harvard Medical School over two decades, Real Boys explores why many boys are sad, lonely, and confused although they may appear tough, cheerful, and confident. Pollack challenges conventional expectations about manhood and masculinity that encourage parents to treat boys as little men, raising them through a toughening process that drives their true emotions underground. Only when we understand what boys are really like, says Pollack, can we help them develop more self-confidence and the emotional savvy they need to deal with issues such as depression, love and sexuality, drugs and alcohol, divorce, and violence.
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Showing reviews 1-5 of 119
 Bad Science that'll Hopefully Never be a Part of Policy Decisionmaking August 4, 2010
Eric D. Overton (Austin, TX USA)
There are very few books I read -- and I read a lot -- of which I'd say, "This was so poorly written that finishing it was an utterly painful slog." But this book qualified. I went in expecting something remotely approaching scientific research that could somehow be verified independently. I also had a similar expectation that there would be enough statistics in it that it might be possible to identify societal trends or mental health issues and approach them as a clinician might. Instead, what I got was the same contrived anecdote repackaged dozens of ways in an attempt to grind the reader into submitting to the author's ideas. And frankly, by the time I'd closed the book at the end, I couldn't help but ask, "Who funded this 'research?' Did somebody actually spend real money to produce this exercise in self-gratification?"
Ironically, the book to read if this subject genuinely interests you -- and it should, since "laddism" is becoming a very serious problem in this country -- is probably Peg Tyre's _The Trouble with Boys_, which actually does compile statistics and do some analysis that might be the basis of a rational policy debate.
Don't waste your money on this tripe.
 Helpful, but painfully long February 20, 2010
Why must I provide a pen name? That's stupid. (San Francisco, Ca.)
I agreed with the ideas in this book, and will implement them in raising my two boys. I do, however, have two gripes with the book. First, it is WAY too long. Pollock could have said in 100 pages what he took several hundred to say. It gets frustrating and annoying after awhile to the point where I just started skipping sections, then whole chapters (after a quick skim of the contents). Second, I don't know who he thinks he's fooling with his examples, but I don't believe for a second that the interviews he relates to really happened. Perhaps they happened, but not word for word. Kids just don't talk like that. He also over simplifies the exammples: The kid says he's not listened to, Pollock gives him some ideas, and PRESTO: problem solved. He should have just told us about the situation instead of trying to actually quote the boys. All in all, it's a decent read for parents and caregivers of boys. I'm now starting Raising Cain by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson. It sounds like the same idea, but I'm hoping for some realism in the examples.
 Useful Insights and Advice for Parents and Teachers February 12, 2010
Jiang Xueqin (Toronto, Canada)
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
Harvard psychologist William Pollack's "Real Boys" is meant to complement "Reviving Ophelia" (the author Mary Pipher wrote an introduction to the book), the book that started another scaremongering industry to convince parents that their very worst fears of their child's emotional health are true. "Real Boys" owes much to "Reviving Ophelia," including the structure and how the author uses examples to explain general points. But "Real Boys" is a far superior work. First, unlike "Reviving Ophelia" which I felt discussed a marginalized population of girls, "Real Boys" gives examples from a broad spectrum of boys so Mr. Pollack offers a more comprehensive, mainstream, and accurate state of reality for boys in America. Second, I thought the examples were well-chosen in that they clarified the author's arguments. And third, the author offers helpful insights and constructive advice that educators and parents could implement.
"Real Boys" argues quite convincingly that schools and society, parents and adults give boys contradictory messages on what it means to be "manly," and that internal conflict is tearing boys apart: they need to be sensitive and politically correct, yet they need to follow the "Boy Code" of being stoic and silent, aggressive and risk-taking. Teachers and parents ought to be more tolerant and understanding of the empathy and sensitivity inherent in boys, and accept the individuality of boys. As it is, adults are annoyed and frustrated by boys because they succumb to the stereotypical view of boys as trouble-makers and hell-raisers (the author believes that we too quickly prescribe Ritalin), but when boys behave otherwise they can't accept this either: the author gives a hilarious and poignant example of two boys who embrace each other lovingly, and their teacher interprets this as fighting and sends them to the principal's office.
That said, there are genuine differences between boys and girls. Boys like to express their emotions through action, and they're interested in reading and discussing different topics than girls but our teachers have been instructed to favor girls over boys in classroom discussion. The author points out how boys tend to be the very best students, but also tend to be the very worst: boys are struggling in the school system, but when they're segregated in their own class with a good male role model who empathizes with them boys perform well academically. And boys love sports because it permits them to be their true emotional selves without any social stigma. Fathers are of course the most important individuals in boys' lives, and the author points out how rough-housing prepares boys emotionally for the world.
The author's most important contribution is to equip teachers and parents with a smart strategy on how to converse with boys: discuss the topic without blame or anger, understand that the boy needs time for himself to silently think about the topic, and then engage in an activity where the boy might feel comfortable discussing the topic. When dealing with boys, adults need patience, compassion, understanding, and empathy: they need to understand the world of boys, and be equipped with a language that connects with boys.
I agreed with everything in the book, and was truly impressed with and amazed by Mr. Pollack's compassion and love. But there's also something absurdly idealistic about Mr. Pollack's suggestions for adults. It'd be nice if all mothers could be supportive and nurturing, fathers could be great role models, and teachers empathic and understanding (then the world would all be at peace), but if children can mess up then why can't adults?
Mary Pipher has already written a best-seller called "Reviving Ophelia," and in "Real Boys" William Pollack uses the Hamlet conceit to argue that boys are just as miserable and threatened as girls. Sooner or later, some author will write a book called "Accepting Polonius" or "Forgiving Claudius." I think it's just too much to expect parents to create a safe and happy sanctuary for their children, and psychologists need to have a far more realistic and reasonable understanding of human nature. Boys are just responding to the world around them, but so are adults.
No one can be perfect, and parents will do a lot of things to annoy and anger, hurt and tarnish their children. Mr. Pollack's best and most sincere advice is for parents to accept their own limitations, and having the courage to confront, accept, and discuss their own weakness and mistakes will equip boys with an emotional vocabulary to confront their own issues.
Myths of Boyhood April 22, 2009
Kris B. Laurenti (USA)
0 out of 8 found this review helpful
I saw Dr. William Pollack on a television interview and he was so interesting. I ordered his book tape on "Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood". It was not that interesting. His straight reading of this very interesting topic did not hold my attention.
For all men and women in the modern America December 21, 2008
Olga Redmon
This book provides great insight and liberation from guilt and inner conflict. Everybody should read it-mothers and wives, sons and husbands. It will definitely help with marriage issues.
Showing reviews 1-5 of 119
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