Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians & Gays Talk About Their Experiences

Various people speak about how they came to their misinformed views about gayness, their religious beliefs, their fears that friends will abandon them after finding out about their child's homosexuality, and their anxieties about AIDS. Often people find similar solutions to their problems, and sometimes different ones, but in all cases the message is that understanding, love, and a need to own up to, and dispense with, ignorant homophobic attitudes can bring families back together in a wholesome and nurturing manner. Frank, informed, and filled with insights and practical suggestions, Beyond Acceptance is a fine addition to the literature on homophobia and families. --Michael Bronski

Product Description

With frank interviews and conversations, we are let in on the angst, the suffering, the fears and disappointments from parents. It covers many aspects of our lives. Most often, the burning question from parents is "what did I do wrong?" Religion, health, acceptance etc....all the way to "should the neighbours know?

This book is honestly written from the hearts of the writers, parents who have been through all of that and more. We learn of how they cope or didn't. The journeys they have taken and what the effects are with a lesbian/gay in the family unit. A must read, not just for parents, but also for lesbians and gays, and their siblings. And for everyone else too - I recommend this book. It creates understanding, not answers, through the conversations with various people. In all, it is almost like sitting in a crowd and listening in on an interesting discussion or conversation and gleaning knowledge and understanding!!

There is an earlier editon from 1990. Try to get the lastest one, I think 1996/7, with updates on issues like AIDS etc...

Buy or borrow this book, read it again and again. Pass it on. For everyone.


Read this book before you come out to your parents.   May 31, 2000
 48 out of 48 found this review helpful

I told my parents I'm gay this past weekend. It went much better than expected. Friends said that there were books on the market that could help. I checked out Amazon's selection and found _Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians and Gays Talk About Their Experiences_ to be the extremely helpful in the coming-out-to-your-parents experience. The book was, for me, accurate in "predicting" my parents' reactions, down to the questions they would ask, the emotions they would go through, etc. It was touching, and inspiring as it brings you from the initial coming out event all the way through to parents who have taken action in their communities against homophobia. The book doesn't pretend that all parents will change so drastically, but it shows what's possible.

Note: While the book draws from the experiences of predominantly caucasian, middle-class families, the parents were from all across the country and from various religious backgrounds, i.e. Jewish, Christian, Catholic, agnostic, etc.

The book covers an amazing array of subjects including: Issues regarding your partner and the difficulties and triumphs in bringing partners into the family, the grandparents and extended family, the church, the sense of loss experienced by parents when their expectations for their gay child changes, the paradox of the general acceptance of married heterosexuals who don't have children versus gay committed, monogamous relationships, the fact gays can lead happy and full lives, gays in the military, about whether gayness is caused by nature or nurture or both, about whether being gay is a mental illness, about the removal of homosexuality from the APA's list of mental illnesses, about the failure of all forms of "treatment," and the list goes on . . .

I also enjoyed and drew wisdom from the Bernstein book, _Straight Parents, Gay Children: Inspiring Families to Live Honestly and With Greater Understanding_, but found _Beyond Acceptance_ to be better organized.


An Excellent Coming Out Tool   September 11, 1999
 26 out of 27 found this review helpful

This book is written as a resource for parents. I bought and read it before coming out to my parents. Insightful and careful writing to help you understand what your parents might feel when you tell them. Then give them a copy when you have the big discussion. The authors use loads of real-life examples from many different people and situations to help parents understand and relate.


Great review of coming-out issues from a parent's perspectiv   August 19, 1997
 35 out of 35 found this review helpful

This book is like having someone hold your hand as you accept the news that someone you love is gay. It is written by parents who share what were their reactions, questions and fears upon learning that their son or daughter is gay. Is is my fault? What will the neighbors think? What will my church think? The book presents parent's own answers to these questions and refers to current outside writing on the subjects addressed. It's "must read" for anyone trying to understand homosexuality, coming-out and how to best understand and love someone who is gay