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Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage | 
| Author: Jenny Block
Publisher: Seal Press
Category: Book
List Price: $24.95
Buy New: $14.39
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Avg. Customer Rating:  12 reviews
Sales Rank: 23046
Media: Hardcover
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 280
Shipping Weight (lbs): 1.2
Dimensions (in): 9.1 x 6.4 x 1.1
ISBN: 158005241X
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.84
EAN: 9781580052412
ASIN: 158005241X
Publication Date: June 1, 2008
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Product Description
Jenny Block is your average girl next door, a suburban wife and mother for whom married life never felt quite right. She operates from the assumption that most couples who are curious about or engaged in open marriages are in fact more like her—normal people who question whether monogamy is right for them; good people who love their spouses but want variation; capable parents who are not deviant just because they choose to be honest about their desires.
In Open, Block paints a down to earth picture of how an open marriage can work, and specifically why it works for her and her husband. In dissecting other people’s strong reactions to her choice, she explores the question of why cheating is more socially acceptable than open marriage. In part, she concludes, the lack of models for successful functional open marriages is such that the general public is not yet equipped to handle treating it as anything other than abnormal.
Open challenges our notions of what traditional marriage looks like, and presents one woman’s journey down an uncertain path that ultimately proves that open marriage is a viable option, and one that’s in fact better for some couples than conventional marriage.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 7 more reviews...
 Discusses a taboo subject honestly. June 23, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
Jenny Block has guts. She discusses a subject that I believe many people are curious about but hesitant to discuss because they are afraid of what will be thought about them. She has put her life and reputation on the line to tell her thoughts and feelings about what she has done to make herself happy. I think she has done the polyamorous community a big favor. At times the narrative may be misconstrued as a bit preachy and "meme" leaning. But, that is necessary. Ms. Block is sharing HER experiences and HER ideas. In doing what she has done, Ms. Block has maintained a stable, loving marriage and home life for she and her husband's young daughter. But, she has an additional partner who fulfills another part of her life that she needs to be truly happy. What is wrong with that?
 Open Marriage June 16, 2008
1 out of 10 found this review helpful
I purchased this book because I was trying to understand why a person cannot be happy with just one partner...Wasnt too impressed with this book...she doesnt go into the depth of how her actions really probably hurt a lot of people around her and although I can understand fully her conclusions that monogamy does not exist, I think she is trying to justify her reasons for her actions. I find it hard to believe that open marriage is a healthy environment.
 What Courage! A Fascinating Look at Mainstream Polyamory June 8, 2008
5 out of 5 found this review helpful
This book is a revelation. It is a memoir of the author's life as a mainstream bisexual woman who, try as she might, couldn't find the kind of fairytale fulfillment promised by traditional marriage. She has a supportive husband and a young daughter who are the center of her life, as they should be. But still, there were issues in her marriage, the biggest one being that she and her husband have different needs in terms of frequency of lovemaking. She'd had relationships with women before marriage. She thought she could do without them when she decided to do what everyone thinks they are supposed to do and get married. Despite giving the traditional suburban wife and mother role a solid effort, it left her feeling so dissatisfied that something had to change or her marriage wouldn't survive.
There is no book on polyamory and open relationships like this one. It takes tremendous courage for a mainstream woman to publicly lay her heart and soul bare as the author has here. She openly shares with us her most intimate thought processes and desires through every stage of her adult life, beginning with her experiences exploring her sexuality in college, up to and including details of her and her husband's challenges and experiences opening their marriage.
I especially enjoyed the husband's afterword. The author is smart for including his perspective in his words to correct misperceptions that her husband and daughter are the innocent victims in all this. The husband makes it clear that he is a co-partner in this adventure, even though partnering with others is not as high a priority for him as it is for his wife.
Another of this book's strengths is the author's point of view on how multi-partnering while raising her daughter is a good thing. It's pretty clear that she and her husband are good parents to begin with and that every decision they've made has been made with their daughter's best interests in mind.
This author has a gift for eloquently articulating the issues and intricacies with which non-monogamists grapple. She cites a variety of sources to support her point of view. She also uses the word "polyamory" to describe her marriage and relationships, especially later in the book when her sexually open marriage naturally transitions to make room for love and romance with more than one.
This book may well play a pivotal role in the mainstreaming of polyamory. It has gained the attention in three mainstream women's magazines. The June 2008 issues of Redbook, Marie Claire and Glamour all have interviews or shorter Q&A's with the author about her book and life. It is available on the non-fiction new release tables at Barnes & Noble and Borders. There is nothing more mainstream than that.
A Stunning Memoir June 5, 2008
7 out of 8 found this review helpful
Jenny Block has produced a stunning memoir in "OPEN: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage." In writing about relationships and marriage, Block writes what other authors rarely put into print. Her's is not a memoir about finding Mr. Right, nor is it a comic memoir about finding a string of Mr. Wrongs. This is not about her experiences going through an awful divorce, and it is not about how she discovered herself after leaving her husband. This is not a traditional coming out story, neither is it a tortured tale of her life lived deep in the closet. Jenny Block's memoir is about challenging conventional wisdom. This memoir is an attempt to shock the reader awake with the clear message that anything is possible, as a couple, as long as it is engaged in openly and honestly. She admits that her story could have been a more traditional one of infidelity and divorce had she lacked the courage to think in radically different ways. At the same time she acknowledges that her solution, a polyamorous marriage, may not work for everyone. What she is adamant about, in retelling her experiences, is that no one has to settle for the standard answers. When your marriage is on the verge of divorce, when the boyfriend whom you love dearly is just not satisfying you anymore, these are not merely times when one should despair, according to Jenny, these are the times when one should get creative and get honest.
This begs the question, has Jenny Block saved her marriage or destroyed it? How one answers this question, after reading this memoir, is really a testament to how one feels about monogamy. If one feels that monogamy is essential for a marriage then the only answer one may accept is that Jenny Block's marriage ended when she took other lovers. She may not have gotten divorced, yet she is certainly not still "married," because, committed monogamists would argue, marriage requires a monogamous relationship. In response she spends time in her memoir discussing the statistics on infidelity and the pain caused by the lying and deceptions which accompany the infidelities. The unwritten question asked in much of this memoir is - wouldn't we, as a society and a world, be better off if we spent less time hurting each other with lies and deceptions regarding sex? Throughout her memoir she challenges the reader to think about what is the worst thing that could happen in being honest with each other? Yet not wanting to dwell on the negatives, Jenny uses her life and experiences as she retells them, to argue that the best outcome is that your spouse or partner will be fine with you having other lovers.
And why not! Sex may not be just sex, and romantic entanglements may occur, but Block suggests that everything can be worked out as long as you and your primary partner are able to maintain open and honest communication. Block returns to the theme of honesty often in this memoir. It reminded me of Bertrand Russell writing in his 1967 autobiography about how he no longer loved his wife, "I had no wish to be unkind, but I believed in those days (what experience has taught me to think possibly open to doubt) that in intimate relations one should speak the truth." Which leads to the next most common theme in Block's memoir which is, speaking the truth is not easy. It requires each person in the relationship to really listen to each other and to speak with gentleness yet from the heart.
The most stunning argument presented by Block is that no one should be insecure if they can't fulfill 100% of their lover's needs and desires. "I began to think" she writes "it was unfair-ludicrous, really-to expect my husband to fulfill me on every level. Outside of the bedroom, I don't have those standards for him. We have different friends for different things." When I read this, I immediately realized the truth in what she was writing. Block's approach is a much more mature and loving way to think about ones spouse or partner. When teenagers date they date obsessively. They need to do everything together and being apart even for a short time can seem like they are loosing the one they love. As we mature in our ability to love we realize that the people we love are their own individuals and that they have their own needs and wants. Space, and the ability to be ones own self, is not only important but can be crucial to maintaining a relationship. Wives give their husbands the space to go golfing while husbands give their wives the space to attend yoga classes, and their happiness as a couple increases when each can engage in these fulfilling activities. Block's radical, and truthful, approach is to ask why do we not behave the same way with regard to sex. If one partner wanted oral sex and the other did not, would not the relationship be happier if the one desiring the oral sex could find satisfaction with another? In theory, we all have to recognize that the relationship would be happier. The problem with agreeing with Block on this point is that no one wants to imagine that it is this simple. Block would be the first to agree that open and honest communication is difficult and that there are pitfalls to an open relationship which must be avoided, but, if there were any motivation for writing this memoir, it was to demonstrate that it is possible to work through and around these difficulties and to achieve happiness and sexual fulfillment.
Now to my criticism of the book.
If relationships are about more than one person then a memoir about living in an open marriage must represent more than one voice. Up until Chapter 3, Just Pick Someone Already, Block was fine writing solely from her perspective. From the point of her marriage onward the book would have been better, had we as readers, been able to hear, at least sometimes, from her husband's perspective. The one page letter that Christopher contributes at the end of the book is not sufficient to overcome this glaring omission. I think that the book would have been given more credibility if they had written about opening their marriage as a couple rather than solely from Jenny's voice. Writing only from her voice opens the prose up to the criticism of being too self-centered, a criticism that is enhanced because it is Block, herself, who desires the additional sexual relationships and her husband who seems content without them.
When Block's lover Jemma is added to the picture in Chapter 7, You Can't Run Out Of Love, her voice too should have been added to the prose. If living in a polyamorous marriage is about maintaining an open and honest dialog between partners, then Block missed an opportunity by not showing us, the reader, that dialog in action. The inclusion of Christopher's one page letter at the end of the book stands in stark contrast to the missing letter from Jemma.
If anything these omissions leave Jenny standing alone to face her critics accusations that her husband and girlfriend are not really OK with the situation.
The omissions may not be that troubling, however, if one can accept that not everyone is ready at the same time to tell their story. While Jenny Block may have been ready to proclaim her open relationship to the world, Christopher and Jemma certainly may not want to be that public. Should we distrust Block's motives because of this, no. Is the book less compelling, yes, but marginally so. Block herself does not shy away from writing from her own truth. The fact that she is only one, of three persons in this relationship, able to be so open and honest should not lead to criticisms of her or distrust for her. Instead, it should lead every reader to recognize the courage it took to write this book and to value more, her lone voice.
One of the best written books on alternative marriages June 4, 2008
7 out of 7 found this review helpful
Jenny Block has written a thought-provoking book that will force many people - if they have the guts to read it with an open mind - to question everything they believe about what marriage represents in today's society. She lays out in a very logical, understandable fashion why it is acceptable for couples to question societal norms about what is the "right" way to conduct their marriage. The book provides a roadmap of how she and her husband, through open communication as well as some trial and error, discovered an arrangement that works for them. While their form of marriage might not be right for everybody, if only a small percentage of the book's readers have their eyes opened about what it takes to challenge the expectations of others, then it will have accomplished its goal.
The book is very well written and accessible (other than that little issue of the word "Timer" being substituted for "matter" throughout the first half -- this must have been missed on the proofs). The clear language is accessible to the average reader, and most will understand just how the author's transformation occurred, without any gaps in the narrative. One strength of the book is her story about how she dealt with friends and family who questioned her choices. Another strength is her discussion of parenting in an open relationship, an important consideration I'm sure for many couples with children who are considering open relationships. In a time when alternative relationships are receiving much attention in the mainstream press - and much of it derogatory and scornful - this book is an important description of how they can work in the real world.
I first read "Open Marriage: a New Life Style for Couples" by Nena and George O'Neill over thirty years ago. Jenny Block's book updates the concepts the O'Neills laid out for today's couples and today's society. Even if you are not considering anything like this for your own relationship, the book is an interesting and provocative biography.
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