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I Kissed Dating Goodbye | 
| Author: Joshua Harris
Publisher: Multnomah Books
Category: Book
List Price: $12.99
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Avg. Customer Rating:  530 reviews
Sales Rank: 5243
Media: Paperback
Edition: Updated
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 238
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.5
Dimensions (in): 8.2 x 5.2 x 0.6
ISBN: 1590521358
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.73
EAN: 9781590521359
ASIN: 1590521358
Publication Date: April 1, 2003
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
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Shipping: International shipping available
Condition: Some wear on book from reading, spine creases, wear on binding and pages, we guarantee all purchases and ship all items via USPS mail.
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Amazon.com
While most Christians agree to seek purity and save sex for marriage, few have been given a blueprint for how that should affect their view of dating and love. In I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris exposes the "Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating" and offers a realistic outline of how to have a biblical vision of marriage. Harris contends that one must begin with a new attitude, viewing love, purity, and singleness from God's perspective rather than thinking that love and romance are to be enjoyed "solely for recreation." In such well-named chapters as "Guarding Your Heart" and "What Matters at Fifty," Harris encourages the reader to look at one's character rather than reveling in infatuation, to regard love as a truly selfless, biblical act rather than a feeling. He refutes the concept that we are victims of "falling in love" (that it is beyond our control), saying that "God wants us to seek guidance from scriptural truth, not feeling. Smart love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying God." Before you roll your eyes, moaning that this sounds terribly unromantic, know that Harris does a superb job of couching his convictions in the sincere belief that if we are purposeful in our singleness and date with integrity, a fulfilled marriage awaits us--in God's timing. --Jill Heatherly
Product Description
Joshua Harris's first book, written when he was only 21, turned the Christian singles scene upside down...and people are still talking. More than 800,000 copies later, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, with its inspiring call to sincere love, real purity, and purposeful singleness, remains the benchmark for books on Christian dating. Now, for the first time since its release, the national #1 bestseller has been expanded with new content and updated for new readers. Honest and practical, it challenges cultural assumptions about relationships and provides solid, biblical alternatives to society's norm.
Tired of the game? Kiss dating goodbye.
Going out? Been dumped? Waiting for a call that doesn’t come? Have you tasted pain in dating, drifted through one romance or, possibly, several of them?
Ever wondered, Isn’t there a better way?
I Kissed Dating Goodbye shows what it means to entrust your love life to God. Joshua Harris shares his story of giving up dating and discovering that God has something even better?a life of sincere love, true purity, and purposeful singleness.
Download Description
Joshua Harris's first book, written when he was only 21, turned the Christian singles scene upside down...and people are still talking. More than 800,000 copies later, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, with its inspiring call to sincere love, real purity, and purposeful singleness, remains the benchmark for books on Christian dating. Now, for the first time since its release, the national #1 bestseller has been expanded with new content and updated for new readers. Honest and practical, it challenges cultural assumptions about relationships and provides solid, biblical alternatives to society's norm.Clear, stylish typeset, with user-friendly links to referenced Scripture.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 525 more reviews...
 Good Common Sense Advice July 14, 2008
This book contains good, Biblical advice on dating habits. Don't be fooled by the title, he is not against dating itself, but rather the methods of dating that the world lives by. The author also gives much time to teaching on Godly love; not just towards your future spouse, but also to your friends, family, and the world around you. This book and its sequel captured my attention and would recommend it to anyone looking for Biblical answers to dating.
Taught me HOW to date June 21, 2008
First of all, when I first picked up this book, I couldn't believe that a twenty-something-year-old SINGLE guy wrote this book. It was a two-way shock. One, I couldn't believe that someone who was so young with little experience was bold enough to publish a book about dating and relationships. Then after reading this book, I was shocked again, but this time, at the wisdom this guy had at such a young age. But I know that many times age means nothing when it comes to wisdom.
Since there are so many interpretations about this book, I won't even attempt to defend this book. That would be Joshua's part. I'll share what I got out of this book, though.
This book didn't tell me to stop dating - I know, it's contrary to its title. What I learned from this book is to have a different approach and attitude about dating. Before the book, I thought that in order for me to find my life partner, I'd have to date around. The scenario would go like this: If there's a guy that I was interested in, I'd go on a date with him and if we liked each other, we'd enter into a more serious relationship and then see how we fit. If we're not a good fit, we end the relationship and then when I meet a new guy that would interest me, another dating cycle would begin.
Here's the book's approach to dating: When I find someone I'm interested in, rather than going on a date with him (so rather than jumping into a romantic relationship right away), I'd develop a good friendship with him first. If you think you can't get to know someone by just being their friend, you haven't experienced good friendship. The book explains that this is a healthier way to get to know someone (that is a potential spouse) without the 'romantic' pressure and confusion. This is what Joshua calls kissing dating good-bye. But he doesn't end there.
If, through your friendship the intrigue and respect grows, then you enter a 'courtship.' (I know I said I wasn't going to defend Joshua but he DOES say that 'courtship' could be called whatever you want - e.g. DATING. So he wasn't telling everyone not to date!!!) The difference between what people call 'dating' and 'courtship' is that 'courtship' is purposeful. You're getting to know each other to see if you are right for marriage. How is 'courtship' different from the 'serious relationship' I described above? Well, in a courtship you wouldn't be acting like your typical boyfriend/girlfriend. Rather, courtship would be like a job interview (but obviously more fun, less rigid, with more food). You're taking time out to get to know each other to see if you're both right for marriage.
I bought into this book 100% because I've decided that I don't want to hop from one relationship to another giving pieces of my heart away - I'd like to reserve that for just one person. Some people may say, you can guard your heart while dating...well, easier said than done. But if you think you can 'date' around and still have a purposeful relationship that honours God, then great! I wish you all the best!
But if you're like me, I highly recommend this book. Not only that, if you're someone who's entering the dating world, or are confused about dating, I also recommend this book to you. You may not agree with everything in this book, but it may give you some good guidance to dating.
One last note about this book. It focuses on pleasing God. As Christians, we strive to commit our lives to God daily in all areas of our lives. For the singles, dating is a big part of our lives and this book constantly goes back to the question 'Is this pleasing to God?' Whether you follow the principles in this book or not is not the big question, but awareness and acknowledgement of God is.
Scarey? May 9, 2008
Don't let the title scare you away. Joshua Harris knows how to bridge the generations of both teens & adult singles. What maturity for a young man! I am a pastor of adult children who has journeyed through this well-written book with both an 18-year old and a 20-year old young man in the past 3 months. God has given this young author the heart of a father. Joshua's desire is to protect both men and women from the short-sightedness of "living for the now" and get them to think of the spouse (& marriage) that they really want. Through the skillful use of the Bible, Joshua opens our eyes and our hearts to the perfect plan designed by God. Don't lose out on the blessing!
Great book for single young men & women! March 15, 2008
Joshua Harris does a great job of being honest about where he (and alot of singles) have been with the whole "dating game" and paints a picture of what relationships could be like, if we would yield to some basic Godly principles. We're going through this book as a group with a bunch of Jr & Sr High School students from our church. The girls were hesitant about the title, but once they began to read, they realized that it's not an anti-dating book like they thought. It's more of a "how about we try it this way so we don't get ourselves and others hurt so badly". I think the author presents a refreshing way to go about discovering who that right person is.
 This will NOT be the book to change the next generation March 14, 2008
1 out of 3 found this review helpful
The premise of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, in Josh Harris's own words, is very simple and very true: "If you're not ready for marriage, wait on romance." The book itself, however, is less than solid.
Harris's main problem is that he is largely preaching to the choir: most if not the vast majority of people who read this tome will already a) be of a more or less conservative (if not fully orthodox) Christian mindset, b) agree that sexual intercourse or anything resembling thereof should be off limits until marriage, and c) a lot of what passes for "romance" in contemporary Anglo-America (and increasingly the rest of the Occident) is rather silly and shallow. Harris just takes this one step further to what should be its logical conclusion.
The thing is, Harris was fortunate to have realised this himself before his flirtations with sexuality actually ended with him losing his virginity (and perhaps taking the woman's with him). The vast majority of young adults do not listen so well to their guardian angels. What is needed for most of them is restraint and discipline until they show that they are ready and able to behave like adults--but by that time they should also be mature enough for marriage (and by extension romance).
To this end, a more effective aeuvre really ought to spend a lot more time discussing the essential purpose of love and marriage, since, after all, we must first define what we are discussing. Regrettably, Harris does not show whether he has any idea what love and marriage are about: in a nutshell, love is a natural phenomenon that binds humans--social beings--together in society, and marriage is the beginning of a family, the social unit by which the human race survives and propagates the Image of God. For all his obsession with a higher calling and purpose, Harris is blissfully ignorant of the Grand Design of our Creator--the full image of which, of course, is not for man to discern, but God has given us enough at least to understand where and why we fit into His will.
Second, an effective treatise would discuss how the courtship stage leads down the path to this noble and, indeed from my Papist leanings, Sacramental end. To be fair, Harris does talk about courtship in his sequel, which unfortunately is as lacking in solid substance as the original. "Dating," as is commonly practiced, largely serves to isolate the couple from their society of friends and family, and not only does this make fornication much easier even for those who theoretically believe in chastity, it gives a completely unrealistic picture of what it will be like to live in the world united as a married couple. If a man and woman are seriously considering marriage, they ought to be spending time with each other's friends and family--and out of politeness not overwhelm them with mush.
Of course, I realise that many people, especially nowadays, do not have particularly good families to help guide them through this process. Divorce, disagreement, absenteeism, general apathy and even just bad judgment are more rampant than ever among parents, even within many supposedly religious families, and in such a context few young people receive the sort of counsel they need--on any issue. I myself come from a mixed-confessional and (at least lately) not particularly religiously observant family, and short of a miracle (for which I do not despair), it will be difficult to involve them with my wife and children if someday I am so blessed. Further, good, solid congregations are few and far between. To paraphrase Christopher Check, I think it was, I have no solution (beyond hope and prayer) for victims of circumstance and Baby Boomer selfishness: like the poor, they will probably always be with us.
But this brings me to my next suggestion. Someone ought to write a book aimed at Christian parents, relentlessly chastising them for the dreadful conditions under which they have allowed their children to grow up while expecting them to retain a solid moral stance throughout their formulative years. What do you THINK a child will believe in if he is educated in an atheistic public school? What do you THINK will happen if you allow them absolute unmitigated contact with the opposite sex? And if you expect and even encourage, as many do, your sons to behave as adolescents into their mid-to-late twenties, long after they have reached full physical maturity, how can you expect them to respect young women? (I won't get started on coeducational schooling, because then I will never stop.) Once more, until young adults act like adults, they will need to be treated as children and adolescents.
Parents may not be Harris's primary audience, but I challenge any parent considering giving this book as a gift to their child to consider, first, whether YOU can do anything to create a culture in which healthy relationships naturally flourish. Contemporary McMansion society and the requisite institutions of extreme isolated individualism (the list is endless, ranging from loneliness to broken homes to MTV and porno mags), does not offer much help, and while granted it is often difficult to choose or change where you life, such activities as spending more time at home, going on more day trips, getting involved with a solid parish, and so forth will go a long way. Just keep in mind there is always much to avoid whether you live in a huge city or the sprawling suburban tracts.
But I digress. And now for my final suggestion: given the complete apathy of many teenagers toward anything other than me, myself, I, a little scaring is sometimes in order. This book does not dwell nearly enough on the negative consequences of broaching the lines of sexual morality, or on the at best tenuous effectiveness (and so far as I'm concerned, immorality, but this is a twentieth-century Protestant book) of contraceptives and prophylactics in mitigating them. To those who would complain that this is too pessimistic and cynical, I say it is realistic. It is true that we cannot denounce a formidable way of things without proposing a positive alternative--lest we risk falling into nihilism--but those for whom the pleasure of non-marital and non-conceptive sexual relationships has become a norm will be hard-pressed to believe that floating in God's grace is really so much better than their nightly trysts. Before you can show them what they are missing, you've got to make them miss something.
All-in-all, I Kissed Dating Goodbye is a failure, and for Joshua Harris's good intentions I badly wish that I could label it a noble failure, but I cannot. At best this book has created a corpus of sexually Victorian young Protestant Christians within a culture and environment that is decidedly anti-Victorian, anti-Christian and dedicated to the corruption of youth. We all, of course, have to live in the corrupt world, but we must cultivate the Faith if it is to survive. "Cultivate" comes from "culture," the natural expressive fruits of a true community, and regrettably this book does little to inspire a truly Christian community.
In spite of its title, even the web site of Jason Evert (a Catholic, be aware), "Pure Love Club," is much more accessible, realistic, and grounded in solid facts--while advocating much the same premise. I have not read his books.
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