Open Hearts: Renewing Relationships With Recovery, Romance and Reality by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., Debra Laaser and Mark Laaser, Ph.D. (Gentle Path Press, 1999) When a couple first comes together, the knee-weakening, heart-stopping, pants-dropping passion exhilarates. But turning that hunka hunka burnin love into an intimate bond comes no more naturally than learning to ride a bicycle or use chopsticks. What we are socialized to assume should be spontaneous and effortless requires patience and learned skills. Worse, should any problems erupt (you know, little things like kids, money or sex), we fear the relationship and we are irrevocably broken. We need help.
Open Hearts teaches those relationship skills. What makes it different is it is drawn from the lives of couples shattered by the ultimate betrayals of sex addiction. It takes principles learned in clinically treating couples shellshocked by shame and pain. Then it mixes them with spiritual steps drawn fr! om the authors own recovery to find healing hope in the hell of unimaginable hurt.
Though written by two noted psychologists, Open Hearts is not technical, but gentle and uplifting. Thats because authors Pat Carnes and Mark and Deb Laaser share how they found their way to joyous and fulfilling intimacy. Whats more, while these concepts originated in the recovery movement, they can transform any couple seeking renewal or trying to restore a broken relationship.
Open Hearts starts with basic truths:
„h We can only work on a relationship when were in that relationship. Running away never solved anything.
„h If we have not resolved childhood developmental issues, we will seek out partners we think will resolve them. Always.
„h Its perfectly healthy to fight. We just have to learn to do it better.
„h As partners were often stuck in coupleshame. But working through it leads to true intimacy.
Open Hearts is a book a couple does together. It takes techniques Carne! s and Laaser developed in their psychotherapy practices and weaves them into a series of individual and joint exercises. It looks at tough issues: shame, anger, money, betrayal, sex, parenting. It encourages fun: drawing up a family motto, expressing spirituality together, taking gentleness breaks. It works.
Now these three authors address coupleship to show how a relationship, no matter how imperfect or new, can be transformed and restored to loving intimacy.
Join us in a gentle path to a renewed relationship.
