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The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less | 
| Authors: Scott, Md Haltzman, Theresa Foy Digeronimo
Publisher: Jossey-Bass
Category: Book
List Price: $22.95
Buy New: $12.56
You Save: $10.39 (45%)
New (38) Used (9) from $12.56
Avg. Customer Rating:  6 reviews
Sales Rank: 30447
Media: Hardcover
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 224
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.9
Dimensions (in): 9.1 x 6.1 x 0.9
ISBN: 0787996122
Dewey Decimal Number: 646.78
EAN: 9780787996123
ASIN: 0787996122
Publication Date: January 9, 2008
Availability: Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Shipping: International shipping available
Condition: Brand New, Perfect Condition, Please allow 4-14 business days for delivery. 100% Money Back Guarantee, Over 1,000,000 customers served.
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Product Description
From the authors of the best-selling The Secrets of Happily Married Men comes the much-anticipated follow-up book The Secrets of Happily Married Women. In their first book, Dr. Haltzman and his coauthor Theresa Foy DiGeronmio outlined a recipe for men about growing a happy marriage: treat marriage with the same sense of purpose, resolve, and single-minded devotion that they have for their job. Although that workplace formula works well for men, an entirely different set of criteria resonate with women. In The Secrets of Happily Married Women, Dr. Haltzman tells us stories from real women who are happy in their relationships. These women know how to get more out of their partners by doing less, by not trying so hard to make men perfect, not dragging them to couples therapy, not expecting them to think or behave like a woman. These are women from Dr. Haltzman's clinical practice and culled from thousands of contributors to his Web site www.HappilyMarriedWomen.com. They have learned to understand how men really work and tap into men's powerful hard-wired desire to please women and "be a better man."
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| Customer Reviews: Read 1 more reviews...
great book for great relationships July 7, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
Scott Haltzman has written an easy-to-read, easy-to-understand guide to changing our own behavior to help improve our relationships. My husband read the book for men and attended one of Scott's workshops for men. He found both to be entertaining and useful and has implemented several of the strategies. I loved the book for women - it takes complex material and translates it into strategies and coping skills that can have an immediate impact on couples. As a marriage educator, I welcome Scott's work as a wonderful step for couples looking to help their relationships.
A Must Read for Married Women! April 17, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
What a great book! I was sold after reading the title. Even though I know marriage takes work, I'm always for finding out how to work smarter, not harder. "The Secrets of Happily Married Women" was an easy, informative and sometimes controversial read. As the author of "Help! I'm a Newlywed...What Do I Do Now" and a wife, I love reading about marriage and taking in different points of view. This book is one of my favorites because it's filled with straight-forward, simplistic advice that really makes sense. Even the chapter titles are right on point -- Talk Less, Have Lots of Sex, Take Charge of Your Own Happiness -- and my personal favorite, the Epilogue: When Mamma's Happy, Everybody's Happy.
The authors do an excellent job in showing the differences between how men and women think; and how to use that knowledge to improve your relationship. If you're striving for a happy marriage, this book is a must read!
 No-nonsense approach to improving marriage March 10, 2008
1 out of 1 found this review helpful
I knew nothing of this book when I first purchased it, but I am very pleased with the information provided and have noted very positive improvements in an already good marriage. By pointing out the intrinsic differences between men and women, the author makes you aware of behaviors that lead to failure, and in that awareness alone the interactions change. Aside from that awareness, the author provides low-key, non-dramatic suggestions for making the marriage stronger by getting what you want out of it. By demanding less direct attention and being less sarcastic/critical, and just adding a little bit of praise, I can see that my husband simply wants to be with me/us a lot more and is more caring. I wish I had this book when I first got married or when we encountered some serious probles. I'm glad I have it now.
Practical guidance to improve your marriage! February 7, 2008
8 out of 8 found this review helpful
As an Author, Coach, and Motivational Speaker I read alot of books about people, their motivations, and their relationships. "The Secrets of Happily Married Women" by Dr. Scott Haltzman and Teresa Foy DiGeronimo gets an A for writing with clarity and humor, an A+ for stories that engage the reader, an A+ for the valuable information provided, and an A for the "Do Less" lessons at the end of each chapter.
I took this book on vacation with me figuring that I would read snippets when I had a chance. Once I started reading I found it difficult to put it down. I'm the kind of person that treasures books and almost never writes in them. My copy of "The Secrets of Happily Married Women" is covered in underlines, stars, and circles. Each marks a passage I think is must reading for my wife so that she could understand where I'm coming from. Also marked are discussion points for us to set expectations in our relationship.
There are 7 Secrets that Dr. Haltzman wants to share with women. After a brief introduction where he explains how he came to write the book, each secret is shared in its own chapter.
Secret 1: Know Your Husband
Dr. Haltzman explains the nature, needs, and challenges that men have in relationships.
secret 2: Nurture His Needs -- and Yours
Dr. Haltzman shares a revised serenity prayer "God grant me the serenity to accept the aspects of my husband's nature that I cannot change, but encouraged to direct his instincts in ways that will be mutually gratifying, and the wisdom to better understand who he really is." The "Do less" lesson at the end of this chapter is priceless.
secret 3: Fight Better
Conflict is a part of every marriage. Just because he doesn't fight the way that you do doesn't mean that he is wrong, it just means that he fights differently. Men and women physically react differently to conflict. Men are hardwired and then trained to find answers through logical analysis, women are more likely to be in touch with their immediate emotional reaction that pushes her to focus on her feelings and focused less on objective evidence. Typical areas of conflict for couples revolve around childcare, housework, money, parenting, and last, but not least sex.
secret 4: Talk Less
Happy couples recognize and accept the differences between male and female communication styles. The wives, especially, let go of the idea that he could be a better communicator if he wanted to. Certain biological differences suggest that he can't! Just because men aren't talking doesn't mean they aren't communicating. Pay much more attention to what we're doing than what we're saying and you're much more likely to see your husband telling you he loves you.
secret 5: Have Lots of Sex
For your husband, having sex makes him feel loved and makes him love you. It is a vitally important part of his marriage and for many men is the glue that makes the marriage stick. Don't expect your sex life to be like the idealized or traumatized version you see on TV. Work together to set your own mutual sexpectations and your sex life will improve.
secret 6: Take Charge of Your Own Happiness
Happily married women know the truth behind the Abraham Lincoln quote "people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." It may sound simple but when you choose happiness, your spouse is happy too.
secret 7: Heal Thyself
Put in place these 4 attributes of happy women:
1. Be surrounded by friends
2. Be physically active
3. Be involved in life
4. Be open to spirituality
An epilogue follows the 7 secrets entitled "When mom is happy, everybody's happy" to wrap up "The Secrets of Happily Married Women." I want to close with this quote from the book:
"Remember that your husband is hardwired and socialized to please you, and that you have the power to make him a better, nicer, more selfless, more giving man. As you know his nature, and start to work with, rather than against it, notice how your husband has become more respectful of you and is more likely to honor the differences between you. See how he begins to show an appreciation of your womanly perceptions, charms, and insights. See how all these positive consequences solidify your place at your husband's side."
I highly recommend "The Secrets of Happily Married Women" to improve your marriage today!
Kevin Decker, Marriage Coach and host of The Inside Romance Success show.
An Insider's View February 4, 2008
5 out of 5 found this review helpful
(Disclaimer: I know Dr. Haltzman as we trained together at Yale in the 1980's.) Although I have a personal relationship with the author I feel that I can give a particular insight into his form of therapy and advice for marriage. Over the years I have discussed Scott's work with him many times. My questions were not lobs but rather serious commentary on his project. What I've culled from these discussions is what, I think, is the great value of his current book (directed at women) and his last one for men.
Much of current therapy is married (no pun here) to one of a few approaches. Some are deeply theory bound; for example, your family upbringing is the root of everything. Others are either overly sentimental (reframing your experiences as terrible traumas that have left you wounded) or indulgent (you give too much and now it is your time!). I am stereotyping of course. Some of these therapies can be very helpful but they can also lock you into a belief system that gets you nowhere.
The value of Scott's work is that he started out with a very practical question: how do good marriages work. He began to see many couples, delved into the current research (ad nauseum some of us may have thought) and stayed doggedly focused on pragmatics. "Why do these people have a good marriage and these others don't?" was the point of years of feverish activity. He even started a website to hear what anyone who is married, happily or otherwise, had to say on the topic.
The results of this work are the twin books "The Secrets of Happily Married Men" and now "The Secrets of Happily Married Women." In them Scott remains intellectual, humorous and above all practical in his advice. Scott's formula is one worth paying attention to in all aspects of self-improvement: know who you are, go with your strengths and work on your weaknesses. I practice psychopharmacology but see many people in marital distress. My strong advice to my patients is to do the marital therapy before or concurrent with individual therapy as once the damage reaches a critical point of resentment there is no turning back. The twin "Secrets" books are important tool that couples now have to save and improve their marriages.
Mark D. Rego, M.D.
Lecturer is Psychiatry,
Yale University School of Medicine
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